Once upon a time ....

jimmer · Posted: February 25, 2009, 9:53 pm Post subject: Once upon a time ....

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.

.......

But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End

tito650 · Posted: February 25, 2009, 11:20 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

yep this has to be a fairy tale ! Laughing

jayel · Posted: February 25, 2009, 11:34 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

women don't fart or belch so they have to whine and nag or they'd explode

Barbara · Posted: February 26, 2009, 2:17 am Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

...........considering the source......oh, forget the source:

Bite me, Boys!!

Laughing

ghostyder · Posted: February 26, 2009, 6:01 am Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

LMAO!!

indyjay · Full Member Joined: Feb 07, 2008 Posts: 67

jayel wrote:

women don't fart or belch so they have to whine and nag or they'd explode

I've always wondered why that is. Mystery to many men.

I've told my wife she's the sneakiest farter in the world.

She does belch very now and then, though! Laughing

rwreed · Posted: February 26, 2009, 3:46 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

Wait a few years. Wink

Or turn your hearing aid up!

Sorry Barb!

xs1961 · Posted: February 26, 2009, 7:10 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

..Birds fart !?.... God, not in front of me.. Its almost a pre-nuptial as far as Im concerned..very rude & unladylike.. rule 2 dont leave dirty dishes in the sink..Ill have to move them before taking a piss after a night out on the booze... Twisted Evil

Barbara · Posted: February 26, 2009, 8:41 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

Hi Guys,

We have the same internal pressure adjustment requirements as does the male of the species----we just don't make a bonding occasion out of it.......there is nothing quite so silly looking as a guy hitching up one leg so he can let rip, especially in a bar or a Mexican restaurant! Rolling Eyes

Oh, and flapping the sheet up and down will definitely *not* dissipate the chlorine..... Laughing

But we love you anyway.....

xs1961 · Posted: February 26, 2009, 8:50 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

..OMG....

penn71911 · Posted: February 26, 2009, 9:00 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

I just read the first three posts to the wifey... she was not amused Laughing

xs1961 · Posted: February 26, 2009, 9:01 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

indyjay · Full Member Joined: Feb 07, 2008 Posts: 67

Guess I'll quit flapping the sheet while she's brushing her teeth, thinking I destroyed the evidence. Laughing

jayel · Posted: February 27, 2009, 11:59 am Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

and they complain about us not sharing those special moments.........

jimmythetrucker · Full Member Joined: Mar 12, 2008 Posts: 1283

My ex-wife used to gripe: "Jim! How come we never talk?"

I said "I'm always ready to talk to you. What do you want to talk about?"

She said "Oh, I don't know . . . just stuff."

And now I say to the list: "Change the subject, please, or I might wreck my underwear."

willyguzzi53 · Posted: February 27, 2009, 2:39 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

I would talk to my wife more if she knew anything at all about motorcycles....

Barbara · Posted: February 27, 2009, 3:48 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

Hey Guys,

I just distilled a new one out of all this educational material:

What has gas but doesn't fart?

Obviously, a motorcycle!! (Well, assuming correct mixture and timing, but that much detail would spoil the line.....)

Educational opportunities abound! Onward into the fog.....eeewwwww! *Nasty* fog...... Laughing

for example:

"The female fart,
Says Mandy, expounding,
Is a pert and quite saucy expression,
While the masculine snore,
With it's fumes and it's roar,
Sounds much more like Congress in session!"

andy--actually Miranda--is a friend of mine, and I wrote that--and quite a bit more--for her wedding. It was a delightfully embarrassing hit!

Back to bikes...

gordo · Posted: February 27, 2009, 7:35 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

I know that when I FART in bed ,I hold the cover's down so she can get a full blast when she lift's them to get in.And me, trying not to laugh before she open's the cover's, like a bowl of Jello!!!!Snicker-snicker!

kyle1911 · Posted: February 27, 2009, 11:04 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

Ahhh, farting... From the cradle to the grave, one of the most amusing things we do as humans. I consider myself a seasoned pro. I particularly like the "Crop duster" This involves a silent blast, with just the exact right timing, to allow it to slide through the denim of your jeans, as you approach the target... (Wife is a good choice) Now, disguise your intent with a hug, or a kiss...Hold on tight, and wait for the vapors to reach the nose of your loved one. Now it's like a Jerry Springer rodeo. Try to hold on for 8 seconds. (Not as bad as the time you told her her sister was hot, but close) For the true deviants out there, (Yeah, me), you might try this... Let a sneaker out inb your hand, then make a fist. It is amazing how long this will last. When the time is right, say "Honey, hold still you have something caught in your hair" She freezes, while her loving man removes the offending object from her hair. Unfortunately for her, you just dropped a handfull of egg-vapor in her nose. (Kinda like fuel injection). A truly depraved, and final option, if you have a strong stomach, is an oral delivery. (I have a buddy who does this, he is the sickest man I know. He is also currently getting divorced...?) Squeeze one in your hand as before, but now take a drag off your hand like a cigarette, but don't inhale, just hold in your mouth. Now, line up your prey for a "Just because I love you kiss", and let 'er rip. Let me know how this works for you, I don't have the stones to try it... Kyle

yamaman · Posted: February 28, 2009, 12:51 am Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

LMFAO ROFL and whatever other internet acronym's apply! Laughing

xs1961 · Posted: February 28, 2009, 7:13 am Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

yup, ROFLMFAO too ... What a thread..How did we start off ? !

oldbikenut · Posted: February 28, 2009, 12:23 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

willyguzzi53 wrote:

I would talk to my wife more if she knew anything at all about motorcycles....

When I talk to my wife about motorcycles her face kinda looks like mine after she tells me about her day at the mall, we both just end the coversation in a blank stare Confused

.

xsjohn · Posted: February 28, 2009, 12:30 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

The women think we are totally nuts.......which we are..........

Bad Joke here.....

What is a Fart to a fag..............

ating Call...............

Barbara · Posted: February 28, 2009, 3:25 pm Post subject: Re: Once upon a time ....

Most guys aren't totally nuts, John....only half nuts, and that's the half they think with...... Laughing

Touche'

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